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Finding Out Your Child Has a Disability...It's Not The End of The World

By Dr. Mark Nagler, Ph.D. © 2003 Sun, Feb 21st, 2010

Shock is usually the first thing people experience.  It can temporarily paralyze you, preventing you from taking action, or even making rational decisions.  In this difficult first period it is always wise to take the counsel of professionals and family members with experience or others whom you trust, while always maintaining the right to make the final decision yourselves.

After coming to grips with the shock of their situation, many parents come to feel that their expectations have been dashed, that they are failures as parents or that their family has been destroyed.  Uncertainty, blame or jealousy may arise.  Parents may worry about hundreds of questions that have few immediate answers which can lead to an unbalanced and overly bleak view of the opportunities, potential, and joy that can be found in raising a child with a disability.

These emotions however are normal; part of a "mourning" process that many parents of children with disabilities go through.  If you have these feelings, remember that you are not the only ones who feel this way, and that you will get over them.  You can adjust more quickly by obtaining accurate information, sharing your feelings openly with others, seeking professional counseling, and, most importantly, having open discussions with all members of your immediate family.  With time, love, and support, any negative emotions you feel can be replaced by positive ones leading to productive actions that will benefit your child.

It is not the end of the world, and many families have become stronger, more loving, and more closely knit because of a disability in the family.  The disability gave them the opportunity to work together to help out their loved one, and the entire family shares in the gains that are made by the child.  Many of the negatives that parents imagine that go along with having a child who has a disability simply do not occur.  While you will have to make some sacrifices, you will still have time for your friends, family, and hobbies.  After awhile, many of the activities you once viewed as sacrifices will come to be seen as part of every life, rather than an exceptional burden.

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